At Teens Have Choices, we invite teens to ask about anything that’s on their minds, and we do our best to provide a response that is both sincere and caring, while pointing out additional resources that may be needed. If one teen is asking, we know that other teens are wondering the same thing, but may be too shy or embarrassed to ask in a group setting. There’s a feature on our website that allows teens to submit anonymous questions. We recently received this anonymous question:
Should I tell my mom I had sex awhile ago? And I’m 13.
Talking with your mom is a great idea for a number of reasons, even though the discussion may be an awkward or even embarrassing at first for her or for you. If you ask your mom, she would probably tell you that you can always talk to her about anything, no matter what, and she will love and support you. Sometimes that can be hard to remember when you are thinking about sharing news that may be upsetting to her, but in the long run, you will feel better not keeping secrets from her. And wouldn’t you rather she heard this news from you than for her to find out some other way?
Having had sex may have raised all kinds of questions and emotions for you. Relationships are complicated! Most younger teens who have had sex tell us that they wish they had waited. Whether or not that describes you, being able to share your thoughts and concerns with your mom can be a real relief. Your mom can talk with you about your decision to have sex, provide emotional support, and answer any questions you may have. Because young people are at greater risk for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), often with no obvious symptoms, we recommend that you get screened for STIs at one of the clinics available at no cost to Washington County teens or at your own doctor’s office. Your mom may want to go with you and can also help you select a birth control method that’s right for you.
So, how to go about having that talk? Ask your mom for some private time so that the two of you can talk without any interruptions. Be respectful of your mom and keep your cool even if she gets a little emotional. Ask her to listen, and then be sure to listen to her. Good luck!
One final note for teens who feel they absolutely can’t talk to a parent: please talk with another trusted adult. You need someone who can listen and provide support, and you need to be seen by a health care professional.